We’ve all been there—caught in the middle of a heated argument, dealing with someone who has wronged us, or perhaps facing a conflict that feels overwhelming. In these moments, our natural instinct may be to defend ourselves, retaliate, or seek justice. However, Scripture calls us to respond differently. What if, in those moments of conflict, we could choose kindness instead? What if our response to adversity could reflect the love of Christ and bring peace instead of division?
In this post, we’ll explore how the virtue of kindness—especially in the context of conflict—can radically transform our interactions with others. Our guiding passage comes from Romans 12:17-21, where Paul encourages believers to live out their faith by responding to hostility with grace and love. Let’s dive deep into this passage and discover practical ways to cultivate kindness in the midst of conflict.
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Scriptural Reflection
Romans 12:17-21 (NASB) says:
"Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:17-21 NASB)
Context of the Passage
The Apostle Paul wrote Romans to believers living in Rome, urging them to present their lives as living sacrifices to God (Romans 12:1). In this chapter, he shifts focus to how Christians should live out their faith practically. This passage in particular deals with relationships, especially with those who wrong us. Paul encourages believers to embody kindness and peace in their responses to conflict, reflecting the heart of Christ in how they treat others.
Key Message
The central message of these verses is the call to overcome evil with good—a radical departure from the way the world typically handles conflict. Rather than seeking revenge, retaliation, or even justice on our terms, believers are instructed to respond with kindness. The kindness we show, even to those who oppose us, is a reflection of God’s love and a way to invite others into His grace.
This passage challenges us to trust God with the outcome of every conflict. We don’t have to carry the burden of getting even. Instead, we are called to let God handle vengeance and instead focus on being agents of peace, offering kindness in the face of hostility.
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Practical Application
Now that we’ve unpacked the message of Romans 12:17-21, how can we apply these powerful principles to our everyday lives? Here are three practical steps to help us cultivate kindness in conflict:
Choose Peace Over Retaliation
Paul urges us, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18). When we face conflict, our first impulse might be to defend ourselves, argue back, or get the last word. However, as believers, we are called to pursue peace instead of escalating the situation.
Practical Example: If a colleague or family member insults you, instead of firing back with hurtful words, pause and consider the best way to respond with grace. Maybe it means offering a calm, gentle reply or simply choosing not to engage in a heated argument. By doing so, we reflect Christ’s peace in the situation.
Respond to Enemies with Acts of Kindness
Romans 12:20 challenges us with a radical command: “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink.” When someone wrongs us, our natural response is to avoid them or even harbor resentment. However, Paul calls us to a higher standard—to act with kindness, even toward those who oppose us.
Practical Example: If a neighbor has wronged you, consider reaching out with an act of kindness. Maybe it’s offering to help with a task or simply being polite and respectful when you interact with them. By responding in this way, you break the cycle of hostility and create space for reconciliation and peace.
Trust God to Handle the Rest
One of the most freeing aspects of this passage is that we don’t have to seek revenge or fix the situation on our own. Paul reminds us that “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord (Romans 12:19). When we trust God with the outcome of a conflict, we free ourselves from the burden of seeking justice on our own terms. Instead, we can focus on living out kindness and let God take care of the rest.
Practical Example: If you’ve been deeply hurt by someone and feel the urge to seek revenge or even just the satisfaction of being right, take a moment to pray and surrender that desire to God. Trust that He will handle the situation, and focus on maintaining a heart of kindness in your response.
Encouragement to Stay Rooted
Kindness, especially in conflict, is not easy. It requires us to trust in God’s timing, His justice, and His grace. There will be times when we feel like reacting in anger or frustration, but we can take heart in knowing that our kindness is never in vain. When we respond in love, we reflect Christ’s heart and invite His peace into the situation.
We must also remember that the power to be kind, even in the face of hostility, comes from being rooted in Christ. As we stay connected to Him, He will empower us to live out His love in ways that exceed what we can do on our own. Even when we feel weak, we can draw strength from Him.
Romans 12:17-21 calls us to respond to conflict in a way that reflects Christ’s love and kindness, overcoming evil with good. By choosing peace, extending kindness to those who wrong us, and trusting God with the outcome, we can stay rooted in the virtue of kindness. This kind of radical love has the power to transform relationships and bring glory to God.
This week, I encourage you to reflect on your responses to conflict. Are there situations where you need to choose kindness instead of retaliation? Trust that God will give you the strength to be a peacemaker and a witness to His grace, no matter the circumstances.
Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your incredible kindness toward us, even when we didn’t deserve it. Help us to respond to conflict with Your love and grace, choosing peace over retaliation. Teach us to trust You with the outcomes of every situation, knowing that You are just and will bring about what is right. Empower us to live out kindness in our daily lives, so that we may reflect Your heart to the world. In Jesus' name, Amen.